the matter of perspective.

i read a book a few years back, calm my anxious heart (GO BUY IT!!), and it was then i first realized the power of perspective. but let’s be real, it is often easy to forget that and sit in our messes longer than the lord would intend for us to. my mom used to tell me “you need to go get your panty hose on if you are going to have a pity party.” but, this morning, i was completely recharged by a simple 2 minute window in my day. because i took notice and i allowed myself to feel the good. i took notice to the beautiful, the joy, the simple, around me and decided to be grateful for it without any BUTS creeping in. thoughts of thankfulness for snow falling. thankfulness for a boy and an art table. thankfulness for a fluffy golden. thankfulness for a slow quiet morning. thankfulness for this home. and you know what, when i chose to notice the goodness…

my heart literally changed, it suddenly overflowed with joy and peace and, ding ding ding, thankfulness. but the ironic part; nothing tangible in my messy life changed. i did not miraculously become pregnant, my sweet mom did not become cancer free, my little boy did not all the sudden choose to be obedient, you get the point. nothing in my daily life that has stolen my joy, caused me to be anxious or angry changed, it is all still there and still messy. BUT those 2 minutes of peaceful gratitude did change how i viewed those messes,  it gave me the refreshment i needed to keep on, keeping on and run the race of the yucky well. knowing that there is still beauty to be found, even IN the ashes.

and look, we often judge each other by our instagram feeds. social media, the curse and the blessing in one. i love to be real, but i also love to have a highlight feed to look at with smiling eyes. it does not mean my intention is inauthenticity because i enjoy posting our smiles more than our mess. and today i debated not posting the “beautiful view” of 5 seconds of my 2 minute perspective switch. it made life look easy + perfect. so attach it to a caption talking about perspective change and i am sure a handful of people wanted to smack me in the face “because what do i know about hard.” but y’all. i do know hard. my instagram video may not seem it, but just a few posts back you see my boy releasing a ballon for his sibling who is in heaven, with his sister. H A R D. and a few more back talking about my momma rescuing us during the house move on a hard week for her, a hard week because she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. B E Y O N D – H A R D. and the two week lul of posts, because i was fighting back from a failed fertility treatment that caused a medicine induced depression. depression that hurt my husband, as we moved into my dream home and was not even able to be excited for it. depression that crippled me from taking care and loving wills as i should and do. and follow that up with the guilt from those two weeks still crippling me on days. H A R D……. and that is not even the “first-world” (i hate that term) mess of a kitchen remodel, moving with a toddler and the tantrums that accompany him, finances of all the above and job security, but YOU GET IT. LOTS-OF-M E S S and a decent amount of hard.

but i chose instead to push out the “what would be great thoughts” and instead decided to be grateful for the quiet morning with the boy who is sitting at his art table, because that miracle child is my whole heart. and snow makes everything more beautiful. and frankly, i can’t change the other messes. they are out of my control, but choosing to see the good is in my control. and i believe the lord uses it to sustain us through the other. and my hope in posting it to encourage someone else who maybe needs a refresh. and friends, i challenged myself and challenge you too, at the same time, to be kind to others. even in our thoughts about them, because nobody’s life is perfect, everybody has mess of their own. each of us knows hard to our own capacity, or even past our capacity. and in doing so, lets choose a perspective of joy for them and for us for the simple, the little of life. even if for a small 2 minutes, let’s take the time to notice goodness (MOPS shout out) and celebrate it well.



p.s. morning drinking game :: take a sip of coffee every time you read “hard” or “mess”. your caffeinated self can thank me later.




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